The Aftermath of the Dreaded Trigger….

I triggered on Saturday after two monitoring appointments. **Rant**I hate monitoring appointment b/c my girly parts are sore in there, and well, it’s uncomfortable!! **End Rant** I was told to trigger Saturday and we had to do “it” on Saturday and Sunday and Monday was “optional”. This is what I pay my doctor for, to tell me when to sex it up with hubby. Makes you want to jump on the infertility bandwagon, huh? So we triggered on Saturday with the shot in my tummy. I have said before how I hate needles, hubby gives me the shot. It doesn’t hurt until he pushes the medicine, the it’s like FIRE!! It burns like a tetanus shot. I have to take a benadryl before the shot b/c my reaction to it is more significant than most people. (Yet another reason that my body hates me).

Since triggering, I have felt more “off” than normal. My boobs are already slightly tender and I am bloated like a crazy person. Hubby thinks it’s a great sign. I know it’s not a great sign, it’s to early for signs. I think I have lost all hope for any of this to work. Part of me is thinking even if we go all the way to IVF, we will not get our rainbow. How did I become this callous person? When did the change happen? Granted, I have never been a super positive silver lining person, but I have always had a realistic outlook. Realistically, I have no hope anymore. I go into a cycle thinking it will fail. Perhaps it’s a protection mechanism. I dunno if I can ever handle another loss. The first one almost killed me literally and figuratively. That is a lot to swallow.

I think it is just the hits we keep taking. It’s hard on a “normal” couple, but add the stress of IF on top and it’s overwhelming. I really really REALLY need a vacation, but there is no rest for the weary in sight. Bleh. Life sucks right now, but I have to believe it can get better. It has to. Right?…