Beautiful

I’ve been thinking about this off and on for a while now. Beautiful means a lot of things to many different people. I mean, you have society’s view, your partner’s view, and your view. There is a lot of competition out there. So, I want to talk about a time I felt beautiful.

It was the day I had my rainbow. Seriously, that day should not be beautiful because I went about 12+ hours not eating. That was just to have my C-section. We were very blessed and had a birth photographer. She is freaking amazing and wonderful and I love her. Anyway, she captured everything! It was awesome! My very unplanned C-section was beautiful.

Now, I get it, you are probably thinking no c-section is beautiful. Mine was because it brought my rainbow. Mine was because it very likely saved my life and his. Mine was because it was mine. Ask any mom and she will tell you that there is no sound like a baby’s first cry. Ask a loss mom or a mother who struggled with infertility and they will still tear up when they tell you it was the first cry. Me? I balled as soon as I heard him. I still cry thinking about it. No sound is sweeter except for baby’s first laugh.

So why do I think the day I became a mommy on this side of heaven as my most beautiful? Because I have never felt so much emotion. Because I waited three years to hold my son.

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Because despite my exhaustion, pain, and hunger, I had never felt more alive. I had never felt before. In that moment, I was both invincible and fragile. I was truly alive for the first time since my journey started. That moment was my everything.

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