It’s Been Awhile

It’s been awhile since I’ve even thought about writing again. My life has been ridiculously busy. Since we lost Baby Miracle, it’s been a whirlwind of activity. I slipped into a semi depression where I abhorred all things TTC. It wasn’t pretty. I stopped charting, tracking CM, all of it. It was liberating, TBH.

Shockingly, I got pregnant despite my ambivalent ways. I will never forget it. A random whim to take a test, I’m pretty sure I was missing peeing on all the things, and thus the whim. To my complete shock, it was positive. I started at it for a full 5 minutes in disbelief. Shock giving way to joy, joy to hope, hope to terror. That day, that test began my journey into pregnancy.

My baby turned out to be quite the trooper. First betas were over 1800 at 4 weeks, over 3,000 just 48 hours later. Not to shabby for a girl who want supposed to conceive. I knew from the get go that this one would stick. And stick it did. For the first time ever I surpassed all my loss milestones. With every appointment, I breathed a little easier, until I didn’t.

My 26th week I went in for my GTT. I was nervous about it before no one want GD. What I didn’t expect was my mentioning some itching I had to turn into a high risk diagnosis. I had cholestasis of pregnancy. My picture perfect my body finally did something right pregnancy flew out the window.

Cholestasis was my nightmare. I had two hospital stays, twice a week NSTs, and constant fear of if my little Superman would make it. It was awful. At 31weeks I had timeable contractions that required meds to stop them. That was the beginning of the end. My lab work was trending up again and every NST showed contractions. At 35w4d my time being pregnant was over. My labs were to bad, my liver was in danger.

At 35w4d, my Superman was born via C section. He weighed a whopping 6lb6oz and was 18.5  inches long. He managed to miss going to NICU by the skin of his teeth. He was perfect. So, now, my blog is shifting slightly. It will be about my life as a mom to a late preterm baby. It is full of its own challenges and fears. But their is joy and laughter and snuggles. I finally did it, I’m a mom to a baby this side of heaven. I finally got my rainbow.

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6 thoughts on “It’s Been Awhile

  1. I started reading your blog way back when. And I felt everything you had written, the sadness, the lost feeling. Everything! I am SO glad to read this new update! Its so hard to fully understand why we go through such terrible times while we’re in the midst of it all, but on the other side – look what happened. Congratulations on your super miracle rainbow baby!

    Liked by 1 person

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