The Aftermath of the Dreaded Trigger….

I triggered on Saturday after two monitoring appointments. **Rant**I hate monitoring appointment b/c my girly parts are sore in there, and well, it’s uncomfortable!! **End Rant** I was told to trigger Saturday and we had to do “it” on Saturday and Sunday and Monday was “optional”. This is what I pay my doctor for, to tell me when to sex it up with hubby. Makes you want to jump on the infertility bandwagon, huh? So we triggered on Saturday with the shot in my tummy. I have said before how I hate needles, hubby gives me the shot. It doesn’t hurt until he pushes the medicine, the it’s like FIRE!! It burns like a tetanus shot. I have to take a benadryl before the shot b/c my reaction to it is more significant than most people. (Yet another reason that my body hates me).

Since triggering, I have felt more “off” than normal. My boobs are already slightly tender and I am bloated like a crazy person. Hubby thinks it’s a great sign. I know it’s not a great sign, it’s to early for signs. I think I have lost all hope for any of this to work. Part of me is thinking even if we go all the way to IVF, we will not get our rainbow. How did I become this callous person? When did the change happen? Granted, I have never been a super positive silver lining person, but I have always had a realistic outlook. Realistically, I have no hope anymore. I go into a cycle thinking it will fail. Perhaps it’s a protection mechanism. I dunno if I can ever handle another loss. The first one almost killed me literally and figuratively. That is a lot to swallow.

I think it is just the hits we keep taking. It’s hard on a “normal” couple, but add the stress of IF on top and it’s overwhelming. I really really REALLY need a vacation, but there is no rest for the weary in sight. Bleh. Life sucks right now, but I have to believe it can get better. It has to. Right?…

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “The Aftermath of the Dreaded Trigger….

  1. It’s definitely a protection mechanism. I do it, too. And I’m not even doing drugs yet where there’s more at stake and so much more room for devastation.

    I don’t know if it gets better, but I really hope that, at least for you, it does.

    Like

    • It’s true. When I started meds, I thought this was it. I was finally going to get my take home baby. Now, every cycle I am more disappointed than when we were trying naturally. It sucks monkey balls.

      Like

  2. I don’t have any advice or really anything helpful to say…because I know, at moments like this, there isn’t much to be said. It hurts, and it sucks. 😦 I’m sorry you’re going through this. I really hope you do get a rainbow baby – sooner than later, and that you come out of infertility with most of yourself intact (it can take such a toll on us emotionally and physically…I sometimes wonder if i’ll even recognize myself). Good luck to you, and I hope you’re able to find a way to keep the positivity up in your life!

    Like

  3. I think it’s pretty common for those of us facing infertility to have a love/hate relationship with hope. Honestly, I have pretty much given up on anything except IVF working after seemingly countless medicated cycles. I won’t try to conflate our experiences, but I will say I have some kind of crazy, irrational hope about what IVF could do. I hope you don’t need to go there, but if you do, I wish for hope to find you there, too.

    Like

  4. The trigger shots can really mess with you, I’m sorry it’s causing you to feel off! One of my trigger shots was around Thanksgiving last year and thanks to the HCG in my system, everything tasted like metal. Nawt a Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you can get your hope back. It is so hard to go through the rollercoaster of emotions and hitting the low points in which you are certain it just won’t work. For me, I have found that it is definitely a protection mechanism like you said. It makes the BFNs easier. I hope you get your hope back and that this cycle works for you and you get your take home baby!

    Like

  5. Ugh, I feel your pain. I remember saying over and over during our first FET that it wasn’t going to work, just so that I could say “I told me so!” and I wouldn’t be let down. It’s definitely a coping mechanism – but you still have hope, ’cause you’re still trying!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s